FRYE FAMILY: Notes from my parenting class!

Parenting Class

8/23/2021

Personal Responsibility Leads to Happiness

-building character and teaching lessons

-Don’t be part of the problem be apart of the solution

-Limiting beliefs – these beliefs limit us to our best self) Curb the story

WE ARE ALL VICTIMS: Lost job, divorce, someone was mean to you, in laws, spouse conflicts, being left out, kids rebellion

WE ARE ALL VICTIMS – NEVER LET THAT MAKE US UNHAPPY!!!!

WHEN WE PLAY THE ROLE OF THE VICTIM WE WILL NEVER BE HAPPY BECAUSE WE WILL = blame, make excuses, have self pity, rebel, or escape

These behaviors limit our potential!!!

Don’t play the role of the victim -learn to move forward

-Elizabeth Smart example

-Lady at the dinner table with her kids and the other neighbor told her off – she had the kids write nice notes and baked her a pie

WHY WE CAME TO THIS WORLD:
1-have joy

2- Progress

We can show our kids empathy but don’t go down the road of blaming.

WHEN YOU PLAY THE ROLE OF THE VICTIM – YOU TAKE AWAY YOUR POWER

WHAT CAN I DO?

Try disciplining the negative behavior, not the action. Discipline when they play the role of the victim.

Don’t raise your voice – discipline in my bedroom not theirs. Don’t need to be out of control.

FIRM BUT WITH LOVE!!!!!!

WE ARE ONLY VICTIMS OF:

-ignorance

-laziness

-poor decision making

8/30/2021

When you do this program, discipline the victim behavior till there is a change of heart.

When you are stuck in this cycle you are not happy and you are not progressing.

You are the one that determines your happiness.

All emotions are acceptable – All behaviors are not

I am not a product of my circumstances. I am a product of my decisions.

Tic Tac Story

Boy came to Beckie’s house ate all the candy he wanted and desired for 2 days, by the end of the second day he threw up from all the sugar. When Beckie asked him why he thought he threw up, he responded, ‘I think it was the tic tac I ate this morning”. Sometimes we look at the tic tac as the problem instead of the larger conflict.

Kids get upset and are wallowing in self pity. Parents try to solve it with tic tac solutions.

The Savior offended everyone yet he was perfect.

Rosa Parks refused to give up her seat on the bus, but she didn’t trash the bus. Understand the difference?

Blaming someone for your situation removes YOUR power to do something about it

Just because you don’t feel like you….you still need to act.

Every birthday talk about the added responsibilities each child gets and the added privileges each child gets

When Disciplining you don’t need to yell!!!

Rules without Relationships create Rebellion

Relationship without Rules creates Chaos

Rules with a relationship creates maturity

We’re Sorry Your request for Victim status has been DENIED. You are being referred to the BIG GIRL PANTIES department. Please Stand By

Everything you do is based on the choices you make. It’s not your parents, your past relationships, your job, the economy, the weather, an argument or your age that is to blame. You and only you are responsible for every decision and choice you make. Period.

9/13/20201 – 3^rd Class

5% structure (discipline) and 95% LOVE

To get kids out of escape mode have them feel needed, have them help you with a job

A LETTER AND A TREAT

-but don’t let that absolve them from the chores or letting them stay in that victim mentality

BALCONY PERSON:

Lifters and builders

In your cheering section

Everyone loves Balcony people

We do better with Balcony people

About other people mentality

Vs.

BASEMENT PEOPLE:
All about themselves

Bring people down

ABOUT ME MENTALITY

-Kids will do better with people in their cheering section

-write down who is in your balcony section

-Kids need someone to believe in them and be in kids balcony section

SEE EVERYONE – ACKNOWLEDGE EVERYONE – BE THEIR CHEERLEADER!!

WE NEED TO BE IN KIDS BALCONY SECTION – WE CAN BE FIRM BUT THEIR BIGGEST CHEERLEADER!!!!

LIFT AND BUILD AND BE FIRM

-Be specific about what you notice in them –“Good job for breathing” “Good job for putting your bowl in the sink”

LOVE, LIFT, and BUILD our Husbands

Don’t EVER LABEL our kids!

To our kids: THAT’S NOT WHO YOU ARE!!!

-correct them without cutting them down or labeling them

Crayon Story – favorite color wasn’t in the box. Kids are so happy until they don’t have the color they don’t have (more time on video games, a date to the dance, etc)

FIGURE OUT THE COLORS I HAVE CAN make a list of the colors I DON’t HAVE BUT focus on the colors I DO HAVE. Draw a beautiful picture with these colors. You will lose colors and you will gain colors. FOCUS ON THE COLORS YOU HAVE!!!!

The moment you pivot to the colors you don’t have is the moment you go into an unhappy place!!!!

Really a state of gratitude!!!!

9/20/2021 – 4^th Class

DECISIONS ARE EASY WHEN VALUES ARE CLEAR!!!! -Walt Disney

Self Esteem -don’t really like that word because it seems to fluctuate with what is going on. Instead we strive to have us and our kids be CONFIDENT!!! Confidence shouldn’t waiver.

VALUE MY BEHAVIOR

-Respect

-gratitude

-kindness

-hones

-hard work

-perserverance

-promptness

-courteous

-character

-Love of God

-Obedient

-good language

The closer my behavior circle lines up with my value circle the more confident I am. Close the gap

Another way to think of it:

Have your values in the inner circle with the word “values”. Then on the outside list all the things that comprise you (these things can/will fluctuate) or are important to you:

-mom

-husband

-kids

-me

-extended family

-my mom

-in laws

-fitness

-baker

-homemaker

-sister

-friend

-mountain biker

-church

When the things on the outside take the central role in your value circle -then you become out of whack and not confident.

Keep values in the center -also try not to let one value dominate your values circle

Example – when Body is in the middle of your values circle then you have confident moments and unconfident moments.

Don’t let expectation become the center of your values circle because then you can’t figure out your true intention of doing something.

Strengths can be weaknesses if we let them overpower our value circle

Phone becomes in the middle if we care so much about that we cry when it is taken away and we feel like our world will end

TAKE A VALUE AND LIVE IT …..THAT IS HOW YOUR GROW CONFIDENCE!!!

People who have integrity have more confidence

Assignment – What do you think is important to mom? What do you think is important to dad? What is important to you?

FAMILY MOTTOS:

-Be a finisher

-Make Good Choices

-There are 2 sides to every story

-Remember who you are

-What CAN YOU DO about it?

-Don’t be a part of the problem, be a part of the solution

9/27/2021- 5^th Class

I can tell you are not happy – we just want you to be happy (how to approach victim mentality without using the word victim)

Don’t pit the kids against me

Don’t be yelling rules across the house. Get in their face to lovingly talk and encourage

A PRIVATE VICTORY…….PRECEDES A PUBLIC VICORY!!!!!
-for there to be a victory there has to be a battle

-it’s the battle that instills confidence

DON’T SET A GOAL YOU DON’T INTEND TO KEEP – IT CHIPS AWAY AT YOUR CHARACTER

BUT WHEN WE DO WHAT WE SAY WE ARE GOING TO DO IT BUILDS OUR CHARACTER

DON’T TRADE WHAT YOU WANT MOST FOR WHAT YOU WANT NOW

Purpose is what keeps us moving forward in life

Help kids to find their purpose

***Become a 7 ft. jumper

-a team of 7 1 ft jumpers or just 1 person that is a 7 ft. jumper. Rise to the occasion

FIND PURPOSE IN ANY SITUATION (ex. Go to an activity and your buddy isn’t there, make the most of it, go out of your way to help the leaders, or talk to a new kids)

*Sports are great but JOBS are also necessary to learn life skills

HAVE YOUR KIDS HAVE SOME SKIN IN THE GAME

Ex: Beckie’s parents told them they could go to Hawaii in a year but they needed to earn the money to go.

Have them be a part of the solution

Service gives kids purpose – work gives kids purpose

October 4^th, 2021

-ON GOOD DAYS YOU LIVE – ON BAD DAYS YOU LEARN!!!

-Why we choose unhappiness?

-attention

-pay off for being sad (parents buy stuff)

-easier

-story we tell ourselves